CONSUMED(I,THIS)

hummus, from scratch: chickpeas, mirepoix, garlic, thyme, tahini, smoked paprika, lemon juice, olive oil.

1. Standard bean cooking procedure: Rinse off a bunch of dried chickpeas, then soak them in cold water for 4-8 hours. Transfer the beans with their soaking water to a pot, and cover with more water. Add an onion (quartered), some carrot and celery (rough chopped), some whole smashed cloves of garlic, a few sprigs of thyme, and a bay leaf. Bring to a boil, boil hard for five minutes, lower to a simmer and cook until tender. Top off the pot with boiling wanter now and then if necessary. Salt, simmer for another ten minutes, and cool.
2. Put the amount of chickpeas you’ll be using to make hummus in a mixing bowl. Be sure some of that juicy goodness they’re swimming in comes along for the ride too. Add tahini, lemon juice, good olive oil, smoked paprika, and salt. (You could through in some raw or roasted garlic as well if you happen to swing that way.) The amounts here are really a matter of taste and feel. You can always add more of whatever once you’ve blended the stuff (but as my grandma used to say, you can’t take anything out!).
3. Working in frustratingly small batches (unless you have a super blender), puree this mixture to as smooth a paste as possible, adding more liquid (cooking juice, lemon juice, or olive oil—your call) if necessary to achieve the desired texture. Chill before serving.

Wait, what? I thought CONSUMED(I,THIS) was a place for homemade food. Real food. Food from scratch. What’s up with this picture of plastic tubs of convenience food? Has CONSUMED(I,THIS) sold out?

Yes. Well, no. I mean, I guess, kind of. But not in the way you think, at least. I agreed to participate in a new program called TasteSpotlights, run by the fine folks at TasteSpotting. They match up bloggers with products, and ask the bloggers to give their opinions on the products. I saw a tweet that said “Want to try some cream cheese and give your opinion?” and I said “Sure, send me some free stuff.” So I can’t be selling out becuase I’m not getting paid. Except in cream cheese. And a box of Triscuits. And a box of some terrifying cracker conceived and manufactured by the Corn Lobby called Sociables (“Perfect for Entertaining!”). Oh, and a really nifty brushed aluminum cheese knife embossed with “Philadelphia.”

I was fully prepared to despise these cream cheeses. (Sorry: cream cheese spreads.) I mean, do you really want to eat something that has an ingredient called “cheese flavor”—an ingredient, I might add that is “a dehydrated blend” of no fewer than eleven sub-ingredients, two of which have sub-sub-ingredients? Tasting the products has not reduced my loathing for their science-experiment ingredient lists—I don’t feel the slightest urge to go purchase them for myself—but I did like the flavor of the products more than I expected. Hey, at least they’re full-fat! Here’s what I thought:

General Reaction

My big problem with these spreads is their texture. It’s heavy and gloppy. Far too heavy and gloppy for a brand that has an ad campaign centered around images of clouds. Perhaps this is a good texture for baking or other cooking applications, but flavoring cream cheese destroys its prolific culinary flexibility. Spinach artichoke cheese cake, anyone? (Note to self: make spinach, artichoke cheese cake and submit to thisiswhyyourefat.)

Sundried Tomato & Basil

What impressed me here was that you could actually taste the sundried tomato. Not just some ersatz sundried tomato chemical, but the actual flavor, complete with its sourness and meatiness. The basil flavor was also there, and distinct. But my question is: why do I want these flavors in my cream cheese in the first place? I mean, chives in cream cheese? Sure. Lox trimmings? Why not? Makes sense. But to put sundried tomato in a cream cheese just feels like a feeble attempt to exploit the cache of this new and gourmet ingredient. Except that sundried tomato hasn’t been new or gourmet for a few decades now. (Which is not to imply that Philadelphia is the first to put sundried tomatos in cream cheese.)

Spinach & Artichoke

Again, I was impressed with the clarity and quality of spinach flavor tat came through here. The artichoke didn’t taste like much, but I could see little chunks of artichoke in there. For this flavor, the “Why?” question has an obvious answer: this is cold spinach-artichoke dip with the ratios inverted. Fans of that dip will probably be pretty happy with the flavor of this cream cheese. I guess you could go ahead and dip bread straight in there. Or just put it out at a party with Sociables and HFCS shooters. You lazy bastard. ;)

Numerical score (for TasteSpotlight purposes): 2 out of 5.

“oh well, we forgot the olives for the salade niçoise” dinner: lettuce, green beans, potatoes, eggs, tuna, garlic, anchovy, mustard, white wine vinegar, olive oil.

1. Hard boil some eggs, blanch some green beans, and boil some potatoes. (My hard-boiling regimen for eggs: Cover them with an inch of cold water. Bring to a boil uncovered. Turn off the heat, cover, and let sit for 9 minutes (adjust for the size of the eggs). Immediately drain submerge the eggs in running cold water until the eggs are cool.
2. Meanwhile, begin the dressing by pounding up a few cloves or garlic and several anchovies in a mortar and pestle with some salt. Once you have a paste, add some white wine vinegar and a few dollops of mustard. (My affection for moutarde a l’ancienne is extreme.) Stir, and then whisk in the olive oil.
3. When the potatoes are cooked, cut them up toss them in some dressing while they’re still warm. Peel and quarter the eggs, and sprinkle them with a little salt. Toss the beans in some dressing. Toss the washed and dried lettuce in some dressing, and serve it the potatoes, eggs, green beans, and some drained, flaked olive-oil-packed tuna.
4. If you have some olives, put those suckers on there too for Pete’s sake!

side for jay’s lamb: flageolet beans, mirepoix, garlic, rosemary, thyme, stock.

1. In a medium bowl, cover a pound of flageolet beans by a few inches with cold water. Soak for 4-8 hours.
2. Small dice two small onions, a medium carrot, and a stalk of celery. Sweat all of this in several tablespoons of olive oil in a large dutch oven, until the vegetables are translucent. (Don’t season yet!)
3. Smash 4 peeled cloves of garlic with the side of a chef’s knife. Add the garlic to the pot along with a large sprigs of rosemary, several sprigs of thyme, and a couple of bay leaves. Stir and cook for another minute or two. (Still no salt!)
4. Turn the heat up to high, and add the beans, with their soaking water, to the pot. Top off the pot with chicken or vegetable stock (or just plain water), until the beans are comfortably covered with liquid. Bring to a hard boil for 5 minutes, stirring often, and them bring down to a simmer.
5. Simmer until the beans are tender, about an hour and a half (though this time can vary widely depending on your beans and other variables). Now you can add salt. Simmer for another ten minutes so that the beans can absorb the salt, tasting a few times in case more is needed.
6. Serve the beans with some of their liquor, drizzled with olive oil with some crusty bread on the side. Or use it as a side dish. Flageolet beans are classic with lamb.

weeknight dinner: canned tomato, fennel, fennel seed, onion, garlic, thyme, red wine vinegar, sugar, baguette, bucheron. (inspired by molly)

1. Thinly slice two yellow onions and two bulbs of fennel. Cook in a heavy bottomed pot with a good amount of olive oil until translucent, about ten minutes. Add several cloves’ worth finely chopped garlic and cook another five minutes. Add two teaspoons of fennel seeds and a tablespoon or so of chopped thyme, and cook another couple minutes.
2. Open two 28 ounce cans of whole peeled tomatoes in juice. Add the juice to the pot, then squish up the tomatoes into small pieces and add them. Also add a whole can’s full of cold water. Turn the pot up to high until it boils, and then turn it down to a simmer. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until the soup has reduced some and tastes good, about 45 minutes to an hour.
3. Working in batches if necessary, blend half of the soup in a blender until smooth. Add the puree back into the pot, and then check for seasoning. Add some sugar and some red wine vinegar to get the proper sweet-sour balance.
4. Preheat the oven to 400˚F. Slice some baguette on the bias, as pictured. Drizzle the slices with a little oil and place them in the oven until they just begin to toast, but have not colored significantly yet. Spread each slice with some goat cheese (I used Bucheron), turn on your broiler, and broil the cheesey toasts until golden and melty. Grind some black pepper on the toasts.
5. Serve the soup drizzled with good olive oil and scattered with roughly chopped fennel fronds, with a cheesey toast on the side.

pinche perro cocktail [named by eddie]: silver tequila, homemade grapefruit liqueur, lime juice, hot sauce, smoke salt.

Ingredients:

• 1.5 oz. Silver Tequila (I used Milagro)
• 1 oz. Grapefruit Liqueur
• .5 oz. Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
• 2 drops Hot Sauce (I used Cholula)
• Mexican Smoked Salt (or substitute kosher salt)

Rim a single old-fashioned or rocks glass with smoked salt, using a little lime juice as the adhesive. (Instead of dipping the glass vertically into the salt, roll only the outside lip of the glass in the salt. That way you wont have lots of salt floating in your drink. Ew. Tip of the hat to Gary Regan.) Put the glass in the freezer to chill. Add first 3 ingredients to a cocktail shaker with lots of ice. Shake vigorously until very cold, about 20 seconds. Remove the rimmed glass from the freezer and fill it with ice. Strain the drink into the glass, being careful not to disturb the salt. Top with two drops of hot sauce and serve.

taco night: flank steak, lime, spices, chiles, smoked salt, garlic, onion, cilantro, corn tortillas.

1. Smash up a few cloves of garlic in a mortar with some Mexican back smoked sea salt (or just use salt. Now add your ground spices and chiles. I used cumin, coriander, chile powder, ancho, and chipotle. Squeeze in half a lime and add several tablespoons of vegetable oil. Mix everything around to form a thick, homogenous paste.
2. Add the paste to a large ziplock bag and then place half a flank steak in the bag. Move everything around to coat the meat, then squeeze out the air and seal the bag. Place in the refrigerator to marinade for 2-4 hours.
3. Finely mince a quarter of a while onion. Rinse the minced onion in a little cold water to take away some of its pungency, and then gently squeeze the onion dry in a paper towel. Finely chop half a bunch of cilantro and mix it into the onion. Set aside.
4. Heat up an oiled grill or gill pan until it begins to smoke. Remove the steak from its bag and scrape off the excess marinade that clings to it. Salt both sides of the meat, and cook on the grill on high heat until medium-rare.
5. Rest the meat for about 3 minutes, then cut it into small cubes. Using tongs, heat some small corn tortillas up directly over the flame of your stove. (If you don’t have a gas stove, just heat them in a dry pan). Place the tortillas two deep on a warmed plate. Top with steak and then the onion-cilantro mixture. Serve with lime wedges.

breakfast: rhubarb, sugar, greek yogurt, almonds, lavender honey.

1. To make the rhubarb compote, cut up a pound of rhubarb into quarter-inch pieces. Place the cut rhubarb in a heavy bottomed pot with a tablespoon or two of water and sugar to taste. I found that about a quarter cup of sugar worked well for me, but your rhubarb and tastes will be different than mine. You want to make sure to end up with a tart compote, and you can always add more sugar at the end.
2. Place the pot on medium heat and cook the rhubarb until almost all of the pieces have fallen apart. Taste for sugar. Allow the compote to cool, and then refrigerate it until cold.
3. When you want breakfast, start toasting some sliced almonds. Meanwhile, put some Greek yogurt and lavender honey (or any honey you like) in a bowl and mix with a spoon until the honey is incorporated and the yogurt is smooth and shiny. Spoon a generous helping of cold rhubarb compote on top of the yogurt, then top with (now cooled) toasted sliced almonds. Drizzle with more honey and eat up!

bánh mì dinner: baguette, roast pork loin [by c], pickled vegetables, scallion, cilantro, chile pepper, lime juice, sweet chile sauce, fish sauce.

1. Before you begin, you’ll need to roast a pork loin and pickle your vegetables. (Of course, you can change up the vegetables; daikon would be a traditional choice.)
2. In a bowl, mix a few tablespoons of sweet chile sauce, the juice of a lime, and some fish sauce. Mix well and set aside.
3. Cut off a third of a crusty baguette on the bias. Make a sandwich-wise cut in the bread, leaving it attached along one side.
4. Cut a bunch of thin slices off of the pork loin. If we’re talking cold, leftover pork loin you need to warm it up. Preheat your oven to a very low temperature (200-250˚F), place the sliced pork atop the cut side of the baguette, and place it in the oven to warm. If the pork is freshly cooked and still warm, just warm the bread and then put the pork on it.
5. Here are two good methods of building the sandwich: (i) The Pretty Way (pictured above): Drizzle some of the sauce over the pork, layer chopped scallions, pickled vegetables, and sliced chile, and then pack in a bunch of cilantro leaves. Finally, drizzle some more sauce on top of the cilantro. (ii) The Messy Way (may be more delicious): In a small bowl, toss together cilantro leaves, green onion, chile slices, and some picked vegetables with a little bit of pickling liquid and some of the sauce. Dress the pork with this salad.
6. Press the sandwich together firmly. Cut in half, on the bias, and serve.

pickles for bánh mì: carrot, cucumber, rice vinegar, fish sauce, sugar.

To see the recipe for the bánh mì the I used these in, click here!

1. Shred a carrot or two. A mandolin will help here. Thinly slice some seedless cucumber. Pack the vegetables tightly into a jar with a tight-fitting lid. You could add a few slices of chili if you like, too.
2. In a bowl, whisk together rice vinegar, sugar and fish sauce diluted with about a third as much water as vinegar. Taste for seasoning, and then slowly pour the pickling liquid over the vegetables.
3. Let stand for a few hours at room temperature, or refrigerate overnight. Use while the vegetables are still crunchy and colorful.